Only The Lonely

The one piece of information that I remember from Psychology class in high school is the five fears that people have in their lifetime.  I don’t know why I remember this fact, I guess I may have found it very interesting at the time but anyway it is embedded there in my head along with all the other useless facts that I randomly pull out at the most inappropriate time. 

So what are the five fears you ask? Saying that I remember them may have been a little too smart, I only remember that the fear of dying was in the list, but it was not first as it was overtaken for first place by the fear of being alone.

For someone who was a loner through primary school and then grew up to find that she was too awkward and strange to relate to people and build positive relationships in high school , I believe that perhaps this number one fear has stuck in my head as it was something I could relate to.

Since my awkwardness has not left me in my adulthood I still live with the fear or being alone and I can’t stand being alone for too long a period of time. I don’t mind being alone when I am in a creative head space as I am in the zone and I need time and quiet to get my ideas out. This is the one state of mind I love to be in, thank goodness I am an artist.

I am sure that there are those out there who get anxious and sad at the thought of having no plans with friends for a whole week and in turn feel isolated.  I am also sure I must not be the only one who is scared that one day they may be old and grey, and alone. Since that list of five fears exists then there is no way that I am the only one feeling and thinking this way.

It must be more of a problem these days as with new technology comes less time for face to face human contact and people don’t even call to make plans, they send a Facebook message or if you’re lucky you will get a text, then 20 texts later you have decided where to meet, what you’re going to do, the time and what the dress code is.

Many nights lately since moving back to Melbourne I have been alone and bored sitting in my room logged into my Facebook account and watching the hours tick away even though I know that my life would be better enriched if I went for a walk, did yoga or read a book.

 Talking to people though Facebook sort of makes me feel like I belong, when I comment on someone’s status we start a conversation and share ideas and it is fun to chat to people when they pop up as ‘online’.

Then I think how sad it is. All these people on chat, why can’t we all meet in a room, wouldn’t that be more rewarding and could it be possible that they are all lonely tonight like me? They may be, but they may not know that they are, they may not worry about it or have that over thinking problem and anxiety I have which convinces me that I am and will always be alone in a world of many.

Then there is Valentine’s Day, the day that single people are forgotten and loved up couples are celebrated which adds to the loneliness for some. Valentine’s Day just came and went and yes, I spent it alone at home and didn’t get up to much at all, I was alone with my thoughts and alone in all ways really. I would like to know if there is actually a day where single happy people are celebrated for their independence and if we can just have one day of self love for singles.

Even though I don’t like the feeling of being alone and I do sometimes wake up in my bed and sigh as I have nobody in there with me I am learning to be content with the freedom I have at the moment. I am also feeling a little lonely as I am not working so I am not getting that social interaction from a work environment. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that not all singletons are lonely, I don’t believe that as even people in committed romantic relationships get lonely.  Loneliness can happen to anyone even someone with a thousand friends, a big family or a loving partner and children.

Since moving back to Melbourne I have found that I am the one who has changed and my attitude towards my situation has changed. Thank goodness for that as my phone is not ringing hot with offers of social outings , which is what I expect but as always I  am the one to make the plans and organise and call my friends. To be honest I think that is kind of lame as friendship should be two sided. My Facebook profile on the other hand has been quite busy to some extent and that is not a great thing but it is something you can’t avoid and you find yourself going along with it!

To get out of this rut and stop being mad at people who don’t make an effort I have, since moving back been putting myself though the Meet Ups process to meet new people with similar interests and expand my social circle. Meet Ups is site that has groups you can join by searching and from there  you join and see what events you want to go to with this group. I must say it is a great idea and just last week I went out to breakfast with a lovely bunch of woman and I plan to keep attending and hopeful build strong friendships in the future.

I don’t think that I will ever get over the fear I have of being alone and the anxiety I feel when I am hanging out on my lonesome at home. It is something that has been conditioned in my head from a young age and I am learning to deal with it alone and in my own way.

W hen you think about it, we are all really alone in the world to some extent and the only person we can really depend on is ourselves. We don’t need another human being to make us happy; we have to be happy with ourselves in order to radiate our positive energy to the world.

 If you wait on others to make you smile and to enrich your life you will be waiting forever for that phone to ring or that Facebook event to pop up on your wall. You have to get out there, find happiness within yourself and live life and every day.  I have been riding solo to many events over the years both as a single lady and also as coupled up lady. I gave up waiting for people to join me years ago as I used to sit at home and get sad about it, my teenage years were spent that way locked in my room alone due to lack of invitations. Although I am still lonely now, I am getting better and my confidence is picking up, some people find it weird that I head out to events alone but you do what you have to do.

Now if you will excuse me, I am heading to my empty bed with my cup of green tea and a coconut ball for company.